I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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