Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
