Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
