Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
