Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
