White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize