hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
