u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
