you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
