Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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