walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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