all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
