This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
