i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
