Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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