youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
