He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
