I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
