so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
