nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
