Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
