he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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