Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
