dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
