I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
