I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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