I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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