so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
