just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
