Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
