so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
