i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
