Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize