so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just gift wrapped bread.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
