My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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