dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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