Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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