Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
