So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
