i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
