it was like eating out sand paper
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
