carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
