Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
