my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize