There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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