i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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