Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
