i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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