used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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