I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
