is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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