My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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