i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
