Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
