I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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