you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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