i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
