Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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