last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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