look no pants
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
