Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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