Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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