wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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