I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
