I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
