I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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