I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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