This is not my ceiling
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
