Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
