I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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