I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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