He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
