I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
