Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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